Pretending to be an adult

Well…. I graduated. Look at the face. It’s the face of terror.

My time as an undergrad is over and the next year is definitely going to be filled with some big, scary changes. I’m already starting to see the first of them in my life, admittedly it’s a little difficult for a control freak like myself to just sit back and let them happen.

Graduation itself was terrifying to begin with but so, so worth it to see all my family together. Let’s be real, there were a lot of people in that cathedral and I get nervous standing up even in front of small groups. Standing at the side of that stage, I definitely found it a little hard to breathe. The only thing I could concentrate on was making it to the other side without tripping, so when it was over I realized I couldn’t actually remember anything about it. Luckily (or maybe unluckily depending on your perspective), the whole thing was filmed so when I watched it back, I could see that I did manage to smile a couple of times and keep my head up… whether that was confidence or trying to keep my mortar board from falling off, I’ll leave that up to you.

Recently I applied for an internship in copy writing and… I got it! I’ve been there for a few weeks now and everyone has been so lovely to me. One of the biggest changes that this placement brought about was me having to show my writing to people (specifically strangers) for the first time in my life, and also having to make editorial changes to other peoples work. I’ve always known that editing is where I want to go with my life, I came to university to make my dream of working in publishing a reality… so really, this day was inevitable. Did knowing this make it any less scary? No. No, it did not. Did knowing this mean that I appeared less of a bumbling, apologetic mess when I had to change other’s work? Again, no, not even remotely.

Not content with one major change, I also applied to study English Literature at Masters. While I was at uni studying undergrad,  I was always content to stay in the background and let the more confident people speak up. Yeah… I can’t do that this time around. Instead of a class of thirty, there’s going to be closer to six… so there really isn’t a background to stay in. As much as i’d love to get my doctorate, I think this is going to be my last year in education so i’m trying to go into it with a little more confidence than before. It hasn’t always been easy to get to this point (I’m looking at you, assessed presentations) so I’m definitely going to savor the next eight months.

aaaaaaand finally… we’re moving! Because, y’know, let’s not keep anything the same this year right? I moved in with Matt almost two years ago now and as much as I will always love our first house, we’re definitely starting to outgrow it. He wants a garage for all his hobbies (I’m all for this, motorbikes in the kitchen is not in any way practical) and I would love somewhere to put my desk other than the bedroom. This year, my whole life is going to revolve around writing – whether its for my degree, internship or blogging – so it would be nice to keep it separate from where I sleep.

So, that’s it. I’m walking into being 21 with a massively different life. As much as I worry about change, I can’t help but think this is going to be a good year. Let’s get on with it.

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